Express Real Love, Week 4

Arguments with the ones we love happen all the time but have you ever found yourself dredging up old accounts of wrong doing or time that you'd been hurt or let down to help make a point? Maybe you weren't even honestly trying to make a point more than you were just intently trying to push some buttons because you were mad. Part of expressing your love to another person is deciding not to keep a record of their wrongs. In a sense, forgiveness. You have to show that person that you can forgive them which is different than just saying you do.



When you tell someone that they are forgiven, it somehow lifts a great burden off their shoulders, but maybe not yours. You might really still feel hurt or upset and feel that you can't argue or try to communicate that hurt because you basically just told them you'd forget about it when you forgave them. Forgetting and forgiving are not one and the same. Forgiving means not ever accusing the offender again. Forgiveness is a complete and full pardon. You can still discuss and talk about the hurt you had felt - you don't have to forget. What you have to control is the urge to throw it out and wield that sinful or hurtful act like a dagger in their face whenever you are angry again.



When you decide to hold your tounge or refuse to judge future actions based on past behavior (thanks Dr. Phil for the great phrase!) then you are building your relationship on a solid foundation of real love.

Expressing real love, Week 3

Expressing love Week1
How do we express real love Week2

Love is not easily angered.

Today when I read my verse (1 Corinthians 13) I got hung up on our next step in learning how to express real love. I read that love does not get easily angered. At first I thought that this was the same as saying love is patient. I have since realized that there is a good reason this was listed separately.

Over the past few days, I've noticed that while I am able to wait a long time for things to happen or take effect, I have been very short tempered with my kids. When I speak and act out of anger, I always say or behave in a way that is NOT how I would want my own kids to behave towards others. When my wife or kids see me quickly lose my temper, it makes them feel as though their entire world is hanging on a thread. On the verge of losing control.

Please don't get the wrong idea here, I'm not storming about launching objects in the air, but my yelling or harsh tone seems to come all too quickly these past few days and I know that it does not make my family feel loved. If you have found yourself in situations like these, don't beat yourself up or allow guilt to become shame and bury you. Remember, love always perseveres, and your family does love you!

I think there is a key difference between getting angry and becoming easily angered. Anger in general is a healthy emotion. If my kids were to throw a baseball in the house and smash my 50 inch plasma screen, I would be angry. Let's say your significant other completely blew off an anniversay date or birthday. Your feelings would be hurt and no doubt you would feel angry. the point is that there are certain occasions in this world where you can feel angery and it be justified or as it is referred to in doctrine as righteous anger.

Keeping cool in a tense moment is difficult to do for some (me included!) and it takes patience and effort to pull off. I have provided a link to a random sites I searched with tips on that I am going to try out this week and will post a follow up next week along with Week 4 of Expressing Real Love.

Share a time here on the blog or with your loved one, of a time you were easily angered. How did you overcome that? Or, share a time when a loved became quickly angered with you. How did it make you feel?

*Random Anger Management Site